Monday, June 6, 2011


I try my hardest to remain positive in any situation. Lately I've really been struggling. I don't know how much a person is able to take. I'm not even just talking about myself. When I have hopeless feelings I try to write and usually I can get something positive out of it. Today is not really one of those days.

I'm not at all happy with the way my life is going,
I keep getting knocked down by the strong wind that's blowing,
It takes all of my strength to get up off the ground,
When I get to my feet I'm wobbly and fall back down,
I'm running out of the strength that's moving me along,
I smile and say I'm ok but everything is wrong,
I don't know the cause or the reason for all the pain I've felt,
I don't understand why this is the hand I was dealt,
What did I do or what did I say,
To deserve this life that I'm living every day,
I'm holding on to anything to stop the spinning,
This fight is too much for me and I'll never be winning,
I'm afraid I can't take it, it's too much to bear,
The sickness, the sadness, the pills and loss of hair,
I see people who are "old" and have had a long life,
They run circles around me and I'm supposed to be in my "prime",
Within a year my body has become my primary fear,
For most people that takes a lifetime but for me it took a year,
I'm afraid I won't make it because I'm not that strong,
The spark I've struggled to hang on to is totally gone,
I can't get it back and it makes me so sad,
It's impossible to be your happy self when things are so bad,
I'm grateful for friends,family and all the positive things,
Today it's just not enough to trump all my pain,
I shouldn't complain, for so many are worse than me,
They are just so much stronger that I ever could be,
My mind wants desperately to believe one day again I'll be me,
My body keeps telling me that's never going to be,
I don't want to give up and I continue to pray,
Lately I just never know if I'm strong enough to make it through today.